Archive for May 13th, 2008

Hills and valleys

I think Sarayu lives in the Valley.  I don’t exactly know what that means (ok, yes I know what a valley is), but I’m told it’s not cool.  Since Sarayu and not cool go together like oil and water, I find it hard to believe, but lots of things in LA seem backward to me.  Like that $25 soup Sarayu was talking about.  Anyway, I assume that the Hills are somewhere near the Valley, making it the Valley, but much, much cooler.  Who saw last night’s season finale and wasn’t disappointed?  I need this show to step it up and spend less time on long shots with no one talking…Heidi staring blankly at Spencer, Lauren staring blankly at Audrina, Whitney staring in wonder at everyone’s drama…Step it up and dance already!  Ok, not dance, but something.  If they follow these kids around as much as they seem to, I expect a little more in an episode.  That aside, let’s talk about the little substance the show contained.  Lo is the most obnoxious person on the planet and I have no idea why Lauren likes her at all.  She’s boring, whiny, manipulative, fake and really not funny.  “This soup is yummy!”  “I’m hungry!”  “Our puppy has two mommies!”  SO ANNOYING.  Why Lauren, who seems to have pretty decent instincts, doesn’t kick this one to the curb, I do not understand.  Maybe Lo is paying the whole rent on those awesome new digs the gals are sharing.  How amazing is that place?  Anyway, Lo is awful and I love that Audrina FINALLY called Lauren out about it.  That was way too long in coming.  On another note, why during the intermittent Aussie coverage of the show did that woman keep insisting we all want to see Lauren and Stephen together?  I don’t want to see them together.  I think their friendship is fine but I feel like they have about zero chemistry.  I feel like Stephen exudes zeroness.  He seems like one of those made-up celebrities that are manufactured by a studio that teenage girls are told is super cute and adorable.  Only he’s really pretty average and normal.  This is only amplified by having him stand next to Lauren.  Jason radiated sex appeal.  Stephen looks like he might be able to sell you a good retirement plan.

Obviously, I am ignoring the elephant in the room: Heidi.  What in the &^%$#@*^% is going on with her?  Why she even has this job is beyond my comprehension, but then to walk out on it when Spencer saunters in and humiliates her?  Why oh why?  Heidi goes to Colorado, saying she wants space and to clear her head.  Spencer shows up and she flips out about it, saying he doesn’t respect her and it’s always all about him.  He leaves.  They do nothing but fight and not see each other for the entire season.  Heidi tells Stephanie that she needs to go to Vegas for work because it’s a great opportunity, she wants to move up in the company and she needs to clear her head.  Putting aside the obvious — why this airhead needs to clear her head makes no sense and why she has this job at all is AGAIN mystifying — fine, go to Vegas, Heidi.  She tells Steph not to tell Spencer.  Stephanie tells Spencer; he “makes” her go with him to Vegas; he shows up at a “drinking meeting” with Heidi and Bosses, saying that he needs to talk to her outside; Heidi gets very angry; Heidi leaves him, citing the importance of her job, goes back to the table with Bosses; everyone leaves; she hangs her head.  Cut.  Heidi doesn’t show up for work the next day and doesn’t answer her phone.  Shot of her heading down a very long escalator with Stephanie, Spencer and suitcases.  What in the hell is going on?  I know she wants more attention from the Hills so maybe Spencer just explained that moving to Vegas isn’t going to get her there, but this is damn ridiculous.  Get this girl her own show so she can get off of my Hills.

May 2008

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