Archive for June 9th, 2015

Setting limits

No, not for Molly. For me. I think, at my core, I’m a pretty lazy person. I’m pretty content to just stay home all the time. And yet I have this annoying compulsion to sign up for things. All the time. I sign up for things regularly. And then I drop them. Last fall, I signed up for an interior design class and then dropped it before it began. A few years ago I accepted a job as a waitress (during the Great Pumpkin Fiasco of 2007-08) and never went. I’ve analyzed this quality (deficiency) of mine ad nauseum. Am I just flaky? Am I trying to prove something? Do I find it liberating to quit things? Am I a loser? Do I have trouble committing? Am I just annoying? I don’t really know the answers, but I think it’s a combination of not always listening to my instincts/pretending to be someone I’m not/optimism. And then sometimes I think that what I signed up for just turns out not to be what I really wanted it to be.

And that’s where I think I find myself today. Or at least sorta. I knew that when I signed up for a three-hour landscape design class, held in the summer on a weekday evening, that I was sort of setting myself up for failure. It takes a special someone to want to sit in a classroom for three hours after a full day at work on a summer night. But I thought that it would be a good investment for our home. And maybe it would have been. I did learn some interesting things on that first night. But I also learned some very boring things. And some things I have no interest in. So, over the last week, I thought all about whether I would return. For most of the week, I thought I would. I realized today, though, that 90% of the reason that I wanted to go back wasn’t because I wanted to take the class. It was because I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t flaky. Ten percent was because I want a landscape plan. But after just taking a walk through part of our beautiful Marquette neighborhood, and some searching on the Google machine, I’m pretty excited to come up with a landscape plan outside of class. And after talking with GAOOG, I realized that I just don’t want to take the class and that that’s enough of a reason not to take the class. It seems so simple, and if it were anyone else questioning this, I’d tell them to have their head examined. It’s a simple decision! You don’t want to take a totally elective class? Don’t. Take. It. But for some reason, I’ve made this more existential than it ever needed to be.

So, dear reader (and by that I think I just mean my mom because I’m not sure anyone else reads this anymore), I won’t be taking the class. In case I hadn’t already made that abundantly clear. And I’m going to try really hard not to sign up for anything for awhile. I’m currently on two boards of directors and one city commission. I’d like to work on getting our lawn in order and some house projects. And I’d like to have a really nice summer with my family and friends. And that all seems like more than enough for me.

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