Archive for the 'family' Category

The end of an era

Almost five years to the day later, Mollybear’s time at Woodland Montessori has come to a close. And, as I walked to the car after dropping her off for her last morning, the emotions that come with that hit me hard. I knew I’d feel sad thinking about the passage of time and lament losing the cocoon-feeling of Woodland, but I didn’t know that it would make me feel a little lonely.

I got in the car and watched the younger children play on the playground and I watched  teachers Molly had had in the past mill about, chatting with other parents who still had years left with the school to enjoy. And I thought about how my family is just a little blip in the fabric of the school, but how these five years have left a deep impression on the three of us that we will surely feel for a lifetime.

I thought back to the decision to choose Woodland all of those years ago, letting go of our other option, and jumping into this expensive, inconvenient, beautiful wonderland. I was nervous, but felt so much joy and gratitude that we were able to be a part of and participate in this thoughtful community. And while there have been bumps along the way (mostly because I don’t deal with any change well), the past five years have been more than we could have hoped for. We will miss you, Woodland. Thanks for everything.

Advertisements

Ho hum

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New year, a little late

I’ve made a new vow to myself to try to make things easier on me and those around me. And to not apologize for it so much (I was about to start out by saying, “I know my life isn’t so hard, but it feels like . . . blah blah blah. But I’m not going to do that.).

To that end, I’m trying a few new things. Some self-care. This is taking a couple of forms at the moment. The big one is letting go of the idea that taking the easy route is somehow bad. Yes, we can forage for dinner from the ingredients in the fridge, but we can also order in and that’s a-ok. Yes, I can go to the store and buy some flowers, but ordering a monthly subscription of flowers from Bouqs has already made us so much happier than any flowers from Trader Joe’s ever did. And the smaller ones are doing things like making my bed more often than not, doing a little gentle yoga most days, and trying to say no more often. Well, that last one isn’t small. But it’s a very big work in progress.

And then I’m trying to make things a little easier on AO. Although he loves to cook and is the best chef I know, there is never enough time in the day for him to get to all of the cooking projects done that he wants to do. And he often ends up being very hard on himself for being too tired to have an interest in making meals every night. So, I thought we should try something new that could give him a well-earned break and maybe even allow me to help out in this area. I mean, we all know that I’m not going to actually cook cook, but I can probably handle putting things on a plate or following a recipe with pre-measured ingredients. Maybe. We’ll see.

So, to that end, this week we have pasta meals coming from Big Mouth Pasta and next week we are trying out a four-week subscription to Pasture and Plenty. I love that these are both local businesses and that the ordering processes couldn’t have been easier. I’m really excited to see how this works for us and I feel really liberated at letting go of the idea that we have to do this all for ourselves. Because there’s no medal for doing it all.

Stay tuned to hear about the meal stuff!

Mourning

My dad died on October 17 of this year and I haven’t been doing so well with it.

I see his name here – in recent comments – and the waterworks start. I had thought for so long he wasn’t interested in the blog, but of late he was one of its few readers. Everyone keeps commenting to me on how we had such a “complicated” relationship. But really, it wasn’t that complicated. I loved him. Like, it broke my heart how much I loved him. And he loved me. The part folks describe as complicated, I guess, is that he was never able to love me for who I really am. And that broke me. He was forever upset at how sensitive I am, constantly telling me to toughen up. He was always criticizing my taste in things — movies, art, books, tv. He didn’t like the way I played sports, criticizing me for generous calls I made in tennis. I was just under the omnipresent understanding that I was doing it all wrong. But it wasn’t all that complicated. I loved him. He loved me. I just knew he wanted me to be a different me.

He also always made me know that he’d had it so much worse than I could know. His parents had been blindingly horrid to him and his brother. And I believe and believed it. But what was I to do with that as a seven-year-old? Or now? I was always taught that I was lucky that my dad was as “normal” and kind as he was; I should be grateful: it could be so much worse. As if any of it were something I had a part in.

I’m not exactly sure what lessons to take from my dad. I know that he gave me extraordinary gifts and tools. But he also gave me heightened sensitivity and anger and depression. But besides Molly, I know that he gave me tangible good. The thing that makes me more grateful to him than I can articulate is my love of art. It’s what makes me get up in the morning and what makes me believe in humanity. It’s what gives me hope. And I thank my dad for giving me that gift. My mom fanned and fans it for sure. But it was my dad’s passion. And I’m grateful forever to have been born in its shadow.

Wedding of the century

Well, she did it. The GAOOG went and got married. Some said it couldn’t be done (no one really said that ever), but she proved them all wrong. She went and married her sweetheart in one of the best ceremonies I’ve ever seen and had one of the best receptions ever. Even the raindrops were perfect. Congrats to the newest Mr. & Mrs. Blue. May you have a lifetime of love and laughter.

And here was an unexpected surprise:

Los Olivos map

Los Olivos

 Los Olivos may be one of the cutest towns ever.


October 2018
S M T W T F S
« Aug    
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  

Join 67 other followers

Advertisements