life and puppies

I like to think I’m open to change, but I don’t think I really am. I mean, yes, I’d like to see the big bankers prosecuted, I’d like to see the crazy money out of politics and I’d like to fully fund our public schools. Those are changes I can get behind, that I’d celebrate, that don’t scare me in the least. As for change closer to home, though? It’s hard. For example…

We are finally going to be able to send Bear to a day care that doesn’t have us driving miles in the wrong direction from work. We are going to be able to spend more time with Bear, less time in the car, and less time stressed about, well, time. We are going to be able to send her somewhere with an excellent reputation, unbelievably low turnover, blocks from our office, and competitively priced. It’s a non-profit center that’s been around since before I was born that is beloved by parents and kids alike. We’re really lucky.

So what’s the problem? It’s change. And I’m scared. And I’m emotional. And I’m worried. I know it’ll be fine. Bear will eventually love it, I’ll eventually love it, and – I hope – the teachers will come to love Bear. But right now? Right now we have a great, safe, loving place to send our daughter. When we first started sending her there, she couldn’t crawl. She couldn’t sit up on her own. Now, she walks into the place like she owns it. With a smile on her face and a confidence in her step. She is greeted with hugs and kisses and giggles. She is loved right where she is. And it’s very hard for me to willingly say goodbye to that. At least hard for me to do without shedding a few tears.

I’ve been pretty much obsessed with sleep for as long as I can remember. My mom tells me that as a child, I used to dive into the crib at bedtime. Not much has changed since that time. Well, that’s not true. A billion things have changed, but I still love my bed. And sleep.

Obviously, since Bear got here,* we’ve gotten a lot less sleep. Since she started sleeping through the night (and I don’t count 6 hours or whatever they pretend is sleeping through the night – I’m talking 10+ hours) at about six or seven months, things got a lot better. For all of us. But there’s a problem. At least I think it’s a problem. And I feel bad complaining because she’s generally a good sleeper. And I know it could be worse (I’ve read the horror stories and have even heard a few from friends). But still. Ok, here it is. It’s no shocker to anyone who knows me, or to anyone who has read the previous post, or to anyone who has a child, or to anyone who has heard of children, so here goes: she gets up too early. There. I said it. It’s true! Too. Damn. Early.

It would be one thing if, at 5 or 5:30, she said from her crib in a sing-song voice, “Mama, Dada, I’m ready to get up now!” or even, “bababababababababababababa!” But she doesn’t. Sometime between those criminal hours, she whines, she cries and she sounds just miserable. We’ve implemented a new policy in which – unless something seems genuinely wrong – we don’t go to her until the clock has a six in that starter position. On day three of this new scheme, we did not hear from her until 6. Hooray! We were geniuses, I silently told myself. It worked! I was so proud of her. Of us. All was right in the world. Until the next day when the 5 am moaning began. And so it has gone.

Again, if she seemed rested and ready to greet the world at 5, I like to think I would suck it up and move on. Sure, I’d complain, but I wouldn’t be as interested in solutions as I would be in just taking a nap. But I feel like she’s unhappy when she wakes up and I don’t blame her. It’s too early! She’s not thrilled to see us when we walk in her door. She looks at us like she’s miserable and wants to still be sleeping. If we give her a bottle of milk, it soothes her, but if we were to give her say, Cheerios, she is not interested. So, I don’t think it’s hunger. When she finally does get up, she’s usually a happy little clam, but I can’t help thinking she’d be a happier clam if she slept to a more civilized hour. Now, before you suggest we move her bedtime later – or earlier – I’m going to tell you to holster those suggestions. Not that I don’t appreciate them, but we have tried. She gets up when she gets up no matter what time she hits the sack. I’d be interested in other suggestions, though. Let me get you all the facts first:

She usually goes to bed between six and seven. She’s very good at telling us when she’s ready with some pretty unmistakable clues, like lying down in Gracie’s bed or under the coffee table. She’s also not above giving us the clichéd eye-rub. She has lots of stuffed animals she loves in her crib with her, including Piglet (from Feebrain) and Cooper (from GAOOG). Thanks, loves. She usually has a book or two in there, a blanket and some other random things. Lately, we have also added a bottle of water after she has gone to sleep. What else? We don’t have black-out blinds, but because she goes to bed when it’s light out, I’m not convinced the light is bothering her in the morning (though I obviously could be completely wrong). She sleeps with white noise. She never seems to be bothered by a wet diaper and, in fact, the past couple of days we’ve used disposable diapers (due to a yeast infection), which are wicking away the moisture more than the cloth guys she’s used to. I can’t think of much else that would be relevant…

Ok, so any suggestions that would help this little Bear of mine sleep until the clock started with a 6 would be A-ppreciated. See that capital A there? That was no accident.

* And, honestly, since before she got here. At least for me. That last month of preggerdom was brutal for my sleep. I was soooo tired, but could never get comfortable long enough to sleep for more than a couple of hours – sometimes minutes – at a time without having to shift. That damn round ligament pain. And I’m sure all of my tossing and turning – and giant body pillow – wasn’t awesome for AO, either.